It’s gonna be a different one but I just need to vent it all out.
I am so stupid. Everything I’ve done, all the decisions I’ve made. They’re all stupid. I keep chickening out of all the events that will make my life more interesting. I keep doing that. I keep blaming myself and making excuses that I’m an introvert and it happens. It doesn’t just happen because I’m an introvert, it happens because I don’t have the guts to go out there and enjoy myself.
I’ve made so many mistakes this university year. Missed out on great events because I’m just not bothered. Left someone hanging when they relied on me to come with them. Lied a lot of times to get out of going places. And probably gonna keep doing that. I don’t know why I keep doing it, but it’s shit. Its not who I want to be but the me just doesn’t want to change. Why the fuck do I keep doing this to myself, I’ll never know.
I see people having the moments of their live in university and I’m just here planning out my future and how everything’s gonna go. I’m missing out on the moments that could have been some fascinating ones just because I don’t have the balls to get up and go somewhere.
Even my mates know that I’m just gonna make excuses on top of excuses to just not do something or go somewhere. I’ve just fallen down so low that its hard to pick myself back up. I’ve just gone in to that shell where I’m gonna keep denying everything and then going to keep regretting every single opportunity.
I’ve made so many mistakes, it’s really depressing. I need help. Someone out there. Please just talk to me.